Two Tardies Away From Being Late // The Salad Cream Runs Through Your Veins [116]
F**kface #116 · published 2022-08-17 · archive #126

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[0:00:30] Geoff: He did it. He's on time. Wow. He showed up, B. Look at you. Hello and welcome to another episode of the F**kface Podcast. I don't know the number, year, volume. None of that's important anymore. My name is Geoff Ramsey. With me, as always, Andrew Panton and Gavin Free. Gavin, congratulations. You made it exactly on time.
[0:01:02] Gavin: I didn't remember to mute my speaker there. That was quite loud. What do you mean? I didn't hear it. Yeah.
[0:01:08] Geoff: You didn't come through at all. Which is interesting, because last week you were late by a couple minutes. And then I was tuning in to one of our sister podcasts this week, the Rooster Teeth Podcast, which is one of the other ones that you frequent. And you were a good, I would say, nine minutes late to that one. And that got me wondering, do we need to have some sort of an on-time intervention? What is happening in your life that the bedrock that you stake claim to being punctual is no longer attainable for you? I could get a car. I think that would help quite a lot. You think that's what it was when you didn't show up to F**kface? But you haven't had a car before. Yeah.
[0:01:49] Gavin: Well, I got yelled at last time. I got yelled at by Jeff when I stormed off and got to the podcast early without saying hello to anyone.
[0:01:57] Geoff: Yeah, but I didn't see you yesterday, so that was...
[0:01:59] Gavin: Yeah.
[0:01:59] Geoff: I didn't make you late to the RT podcast with a hello this week.
[0:02:02] Gavin: Coming in hot off another video. There's not enough time. People not showing up on time. Now I'm late.
[0:02:09] Geoff: I've been late a lot. I hate being late. It seems like a trend. Yeah. I just want to make sure everything's okay, personally, if you're not experiencing any trouble or trauma or issues. Do you need to take some time away? No, I'm just...
[0:02:20] Gavin: I mean, if you could see me, I'm not scrambling around trying to make it on time. I'm just stood there waiting for a car to shoot.
[0:02:26] Andrew: To live my damn thumb. How late would you have to be before you just didn't show up at all? What's your line? Ooh, that's a great question.
[0:02:35] Gavin: I don't physically know how I could be an hour late. Yeah. I think I'm in the same boat.
[0:02:40] Andrew: I think I would just come anyway. Really? Yeah. I guess it depends on the thing. If I'm supposed to be there at a certain time, if I'm 45 minutes late, I'm just not going to show up. I'm just not going to go.
[0:02:53] Geoff: Dude, I one time had dinner with previous CEO of the company, Ezra, years and years ago in San Francisco, and he showed up to dinner that he booked at a sushi restaurant that he wanted to take me to three hours late. Yeah. I've had that same thing with him. You just didn't go. You didn't show up. You missed it. You're not three hours late. You didn't go. He just didn't go. And he would keep texting me like, I'll be there in 45 minutes. I'll be there in 45 minutes.
[0:03:23] Gavin: Showing up three hours late is the same as showing up the day after, or you got the day wrong. That's how late that is.
[0:03:28] Geoff: That's insane. Three hours? He made a dinner reservation at seven o'clock and we ate dinner at like 945. That's ridiculous. Yeah. Busy people, I guess. I feel like y'all though, I think if you're more than 45 minutes late, you just can't make it. You just can't show up that late.
[0:03:45] Andrew: Yeah. It removes the lateness in my mind. If I never go, then I was never late.
[0:03:51] Geoff: Like, is that the point, do you think? Like 44 to 45 minutes is when it crosses over, like the needle passes from late to absent?
[0:04:00] Gavin: I think it also depends on if you're in contact with that person.
[0:04:03] Andrew: That's a great point as well. Like, did you, were you texting Ezra when you were? Yeah.
[0:04:09] Geoff: He was texting me going, hey buddy, I'll be there in 45 minutes, running a little late. 45 minutes later. He probably took a different meeting after that. He probably wasn't even in San Francisco. He was probably taking a plane too. I was in the wrong state. He was like, that was six, seven years ago.
[0:04:24] Gavin: It was a while ago. I don't know. It's not nice to be known for being late. I feel like if you're usually on time, then it's.
[0:04:31] Geoff: How many more, how many more tardy tardies would you have to have before you admit you have a problem?
[0:04:37] Gavin: I think I'm too tardy appearances away from being someone who's late.
[0:04:45] Andrew: No, is this a system that clears or is it like consecutive?
[0:04:49] Gavin: It's like when your shield recharges. If I go like six months without any lateness, I think I could then potentially get three late lates before I'm a late person again. But I've used up like, I feel like I've used up two, two lives recently.
[0:05:01] Geoff: The problem, the problem with that is that's, that's absolutely how that works. But the scale is so difficult. It's kind of like how it's like so easy to lose your parents' trust, but so hard to gain it back. Totally. It takes so much more work to get it back than it did, than the offense. I feel like it's this, like you can get, you can definitely knock three or four of those, those, at least three of those tardies off. But it's got, it's an inordinate amount of time.
[0:05:25] Andrew: It is. And it takes forever to reverse that. If you become a late guy, it's going to take four years of on time before you could reverse that, as opposed to like missing two things every six months, you don't get the perception.
[0:05:38] Gavin: Once you have that label, you can't shake it. Do you think six months is enough time to recharge the shield of one lateness?
[0:05:44] Geoff: Oh, for sure. Yeah, I think so. Without a doubt. I would say though, if you're just looking at amount of effort and work, if you think it's possible that you might be late two more times in the next, I don't know, three months or so would probably be the window, I would consider just changing my personality to a late guy. I think it might be easier than trying to repair the damage to just, just go all in and embrace it and become a different person.
[0:06:09] Gavin: I just could not double down on that. I just don't, I don't have that in me. Because I would be the biggest hypocrite in the world. I hate it when people are late.
[0:06:19] Andrew: I guess, I don't know, it would be a philosophy change, right? You wouldn't be a hypocrite at a certain point. You could have like a coming to lateness moment where you realize, you know what? This is, this is the life I've been missing. Fuck everybody else. Coming to lateness. Andrew, your wordsmithing is phenomenal this week. Oh man. I'm glad you were able to make it on time, Gavin. Yeah. I'm glad you were here. Because last time, it was rough. We had a rough start with that. Things kind of collapsed.
[0:06:48] Geoff: It was bad pleasantries last time. I wrote down on my notes to have an on-time intervention with you. But this is, this is not what this was. This is more just like concerned friends letting you, giving you a heads up than an intervention could be on the horizon with a few more tardies under your bed.
[0:07:04] Gavin: Yeah. I mean, I feel like off a podcast would be a nicer place to do that, but sure.
[0:07:11] Geoff: Dude, dude. It's impossible to stay off the podcast. Andrew approached me last week and said, hey man, we need to talk. And I was like, okay. And he goes, you and I, we need a thing. We don't have a thing right now. It's not basketball season. It's not hockey season. Though we have been out of sync on that for a while anyway. It was collecting cards for a while, but then we turned that into content. We built a show around it. We need a thing that you and I do to maintain our friendship in the off seasons of basketball since we lost some of the other things that we had. And the second he presented that to me, all I could think about is what kind of things we could come up with for the show. And even today, I was like, I think I'm missing the point of this whole exercise because everything you bring up, I just want to turn into content.
[0:07:55] Andrew: Oh, it's fair. And then tried to make the case of what if we made the fact it isn't content content? What if that's the content? The thing that we were doing, this thing that we don't ever talk about, but we talk about that we're not talking about.
[0:08:06] Gavin: Well, like two guys try not to make content.
[0:08:09] Andrew: I guess. Yeah. What a terrible.
[0:08:11] Geoff: It's just like, this all goes to say, Gab, I think it's impossible to have this conversation off the podcast because the podcast is now 23 hours of a day of our lives.
[0:08:23] Andrew: It's it's a weird thing to try to think of hobbies in that way, too. I've never really been like, I need to find a thing. It's always been like I come across something and think that would be great. But the best idea I've had so far and just try to think of hobbies to come up with is Jeff and I becoming metal detector guys, like buying a metal detector, like being the people that walk on a beach, I guess. I don't know. Like, I like good content. Yeah, that's that was the problem. And it then turned into what if it was like a sport where you have like a field of dirt and there are bean holes everywhere and you have to try to find the one of the beans. Like you got to go find the cast iron. Yeah, exactly. It turned into a whole thing.
[0:09:06] Geoff: Oh, man. It's very quickly. Suddenly we're writing content for the show. We are. Yeah.
[0:09:11] Gavin: All possible challenges for Survivor, I guess.
[0:09:14] Andrew: Well, it's a mix of like discovery and competitive eating. Like, imagine if Joey Chestnut had to find the hot dogs and like it's a two layer thing that we're doing here. I don't think competitive eating has ever had competitive searching.
[0:09:30] Geoff: Like, he had to have military land navigation skills. He's out there with a compass.
[0:09:39] Andrew: That's where we've been at. It is. It's great.
[0:09:43] Geoff: Oh, I love it.
[0:09:44] Andrew: There could be ones with fake beans. I don't know. We have a lot that we could possibly work with. Jelly beans? Jelly beans would be good.
[0:09:52] Gavin: Dude, imagine if you dug up a bean hole and then for dessert you dug up a jelly bean hole.
[0:09:59] Andrew: I'm imagining it being like a little bean container within the bean container. Like a Russian doll type thing.
[0:10:06] Gavin: It would just be like a slab of sugar in a cylinder.
[0:10:09] Andrew: It's just melted. I'd be terrible if you melted a bunch of jelly beans. Like every flavor in the one thing. That'd be awful. Would it be? It'd be a terrible taste. I think so. Yeah. If you melted every flavor simultaneously, I bet that's terrible. I bet it tastes like nothing, but it's just unpleasant.
[0:10:30] Geoff: Guys, I gotta admit something to you guys.
[0:10:33] Andrew: I'm excited.
[0:10:34] Geoff: What's your confession? The other night we were cooking just like, it was one of those nights where nobody got a hold of dinner ahead of time. So it was just sort of like make whatever you can find laying around the house. And Emily found some corn dogs in the freezer, state fair corn dogs. And she fucking, she put them on the air fryer and she cooked up some corn dogs and they smelled so fucking good. I thought about eating one.
[0:11:01] Gavin: You didn't do it though?
[0:11:02] Geoff: But I didn't do it.
[0:11:03] Ad read: Wow.
[0:11:04] Gavin: See, that would have been the perfect corn dog update as opposed to last week when you just brought it up and nothing happened.
[0:11:10] Geoff: Yeah. And then something happened, right? And it was just like, it was almost like, as I was almost like they like mentioning it last time, willed it to happen this time. It was close. I would say I was like, I was like 40, 60 on eating it. Yeah, it was.
[0:11:23] Andrew: Wow.
[0:11:24] Geoff: Yeah.
[0:11:25] Andrew: What could have tilted the scale?
[0:11:27] Geoff: Like what was the, if I hadn't, honestly, if I hadn't had a microwave pizza to, or a frozen pizza, I got saved by a pizza. Yeah. And how long was that in the freezer? Screaming Italian pizza. But, uh, the corn dogs or the pizza? Pizza? Uh, probably three weeks.
[0:11:46] Gavin: Okay.
[0:11:47] Geoff: Three weeks to a month, I would say. I can't remember when I bought it, but I bought it not, not too, too long ago. Certainly not like three days ago. How does that make you feel, Andrew?
[0:11:56] Andrew: That's fine. People can shop how they shop. I just have never considered shopping that way. I did want to clarify within this episode. I don't want to pivot away, Jeff, if you have more to expand. I got nothing else. I just, I, that's my, I just had another update. We've talked about it for a long time. I think I'm going to do the grocery cap thing next week. Oh, the end caps? The end caps. But I had some questions I wanted to clarify before we did this. Okay. I was going to start, I was thinking like maybe Wednesday next week, so I'd be a day in when we recorded. Um, so it's the end caps. Is there any other restrictions? Like, I'm assuming I can't use the back of the store at all, you know, cause there's like the open like deli section. Yeah, nothing on the walls. Nothing on the walls. Nothing like none of the little island cases that are kind of between the different things purely.
[0:12:42] Gavin: I mean, I feel like if there's an island, you could potentially shop off the end of the island.
[0:12:47] Geoff: Yeah. Yeah. I, I'm less, I, islands actually seem okay to me if they're in like the larger thoroughfare. I would say if you have to go down a lane. Okay. To get to it, I would think that'd be a no because that would be past the end caps. See, I feel like you can't traverse past an end cap.
[0:13:03] Andrew: So islands are okay as long as I don't hit the middle of whatever the content is of the island, whatever.
[0:13:10] Gavin: I mean, I would be okay with that. How about you, Gav? Yeah. Why don't we just say you plant your feet at the end cap, whatever you can reach is.
[0:13:18] Geoff: No, because he's going to come up with, he's going to create some sort of a pole arm with a grabber. Yeah. It's got to be from the end cap.
[0:13:26] Andrew: Yeah. I can't go into the row at all. It has to be an end cap. Is there any restrictions on how much of an item I could get?
[0:13:34] Geoff: No, I don't. I don't think so. Really? So you're going to have access to a lot of batteries. You might as well buy them.
[0:13:39] Andrew: No, I feel like because there's always, it's going to really come down to what's in the freezer end cap. I feel like because there's always that kind of like open freezer section area. That's end cap. I might just like have to buy 20 pizzas. That just might be what my life is.
[0:13:55] Geoff: Now, how do we feel? How do we feel about the, like the impulse buy section at the checkout? Are we okay? Like where the magazines and the Archie comics and point of sale stuff. Yeah. Point of sale stuff. Are we okay? I feel like that's got to be fair game. It's not really.
[0:14:11] Gavin: No, because they put a bunch of different convenience stuff there. That's going to make it too easy. I think. Do you think so?
[0:14:15] Andrew: But not to survive off of, it's going to be like fucking Pringles and chocolate bars.
[0:14:20] Geoff: I guess it's true. It's like Snickers and gum. You never, if he wants to live off, off Kinder eggs, he can, I guess.
[0:14:26] Andrew: That's a good point. You never see a bag of rice at the checkout. Like nobody is buying real food at the express. It's true.
[0:14:35] Gavin: It's mainly, it's mainly like gum mints and magazines about what Meghan Markle's been doing.
[0:14:40] Andrew: You want to take away my gum, Gavin? You monster.
[0:14:43] Geoff: One other point of clarification I think needs to be made here that just popped into my head. I'm trying to think of ways that Andrew could flaunt the system. I've already filled one. If you go to an end cap and there's an out of place item in the end cap, like a bag of flour and you just happen to need flour or whatever, I feel like that's off limits. It's not from the end cap. It's not of the end cap. It shouldn't be able, it shouldn't be accessible as such. Because then you could have your partner go in and get like a bunch of frozen goods you need or eggs and then place them strategically around the grocery store for you to find. And I just, I feel like we got to head that off now.
[0:15:22] Gavin: Yeah. My, my thinking was that Andrew would befriend the store owner and ask for a custom end cap to be laid out for him. He was going to get milk and bread in the same end. You know, that's just as plausible.
[0:15:33] Andrew: Yeah. I appreciate my head was not there, but that is a great, it would be a workaround for sure. So, end caps only, islands are okay within a certain distance, checkout is okay, and it's one week, right? That's the goal? Survive a week off end cap. Can I go to the grocery store as much as I want to?
[0:15:51] Gavin: Yeah, I think so. Okay. Yeah, I kind of don't want you to eat 14 pizzas though. Yeah, I know. Because I think you'll die.
[0:15:57] Andrew: Well, that's your concern. You think that's what's going to kill him? You and I approached that differently. I was like, I feel like that'd just be kind of a lame way to do this. It'd be almost too easy.
[0:16:08] Geoff: He's going to have access to like Cheez-Its, powdered donuts, and Gatorade. Like, there's not going to be a lot of food out there for him. He's going to have access to ice cream cones, but not ice cream.
[0:16:21] Gavin: And are you going to, is this one store or are you going to end cap multiple stores?
[0:16:28] Andrew: I think I'm going to just go to one store. I think that should be part of it. I appreciate, the rules of this could be ridiculous. Like, you guys can make it so if it's like aisle six, I can get up to six items. Like, there are all sorts of restrictions you could do with this thing. This seems kind of simple. I'm pretty confident that this will be fine to do.
[0:16:45] Geoff: Yeah, I think we crawl before we walk and then run. We got plenty of life ahead of us to come up with aisle six stuff.
[0:16:51] Gavin: And are you going to be able to document or provide pictures of what you eat each day?
[0:16:55] Andrew: Yeah, yeah, I will. That's what I honestly think the funniest photo will be. It will be whatever my first haul looks like of stuff from the end cap.
[0:17:02] Geoff: Can we have, can I get, can I get with the social team and have one, at least have a daily update on the face Instagram of, okay, that'd be fantastic.
[0:17:09] Gavin: 100%. What if we open it up to, uh, he can also forage.
[0:17:14] Andrew: I can like hunt? Or like get berries? Or like get berries?
[0:17:17] Gavin: Yeah, like walk through the woods and find mushrooms and shit.
[0:17:21] Geoff: No, but he's going to poison himself eating shit that he thinks is food. There's no way.
[0:17:27] Andrew: I'm definitely getting a metal detector now. This isn't a season of Alone on Netflix.
[0:17:31] Gavin: I just love the idea of Andrew treating it like he's lost, like a solo expedition, but he's just in the middle of his own town that he lives in.
[0:17:41] Andrew: I'm going to get arrested going into an old backyard of a place I used to live at that I know has an apple tree. It's going to, it's going to be bad.
[0:17:49] Gavin: You're going to get arrested for scrumping, you dirty bastard.
[0:17:51] Andrew: Oh my God. Okay. So I think I got it. I don't think I'll salad cream this in any way. It seems very straightforward. I'm excited to start this process next week.
[0:18:03] Gavin: Here's the thing with you there about salad creaming. I don't think you intend to salad cream. Oh, I think the cream runs through your veins. Very rare. Yeah.
[0:18:13] Andrew: What percentage do you think runs through my veins? If I did one of those like ancestry, like spit in a tube thing, what percentage? What percent cream am I?
[0:18:33] Gavin: I'm going to stay. I think you've got to, you've got to sit down. Yes, Eric says six months of no salad cream. You have to be almost halfway there.
[0:18:56] Andrew: I don't think it's how you avoid it.
[0:18:57] Gavin: You have to sit down with yourself before you present anything or post anything or decide anything to just sit down and think what, what is Jeff and Gavin after? All right. What do we want from it? What are we trying to see? And just try and provide it. Just try and visualize that and go for that goal.
[0:19:18] Andrew: Okay. Oh, I don't think I salad cream this. There is a potential for a salad cream. I, I, I sent the, I mean, if it's on an end cap, absolutely. I sent the cosmic crisp people a DM the other day because they followed me on Twitter. I was like, Hey, type thing, reaching out, saying hi, brought up the podcast that we, that we reviewed the cosmic crisp and they replied back being like, Hey, it's so great. We appreciate the support so much. Could you link us, uh, the episode in which you guys talk about this? Because the team I'm sure would love to listen to it.
[0:19:54] Unidentified: God.
[0:19:55] Andrew: So then I was in a real dilemma. I didn't know what to send because I could either, I did it again. You tuxedoed it.
[0:20:02] Geoff: Stop emailing people.
[0:20:04] Gavin: Stop drawing people's attention to us who we share on, on this podcast.
[0:20:12] Andrew: Well, that's the problem. Let us shit under the radar, man. Yeah. Cause I could send the cosmic crisp review we did, but it's almost all of you guys saying this isn't that great. This is very average, which I don't think is reflective of the opinions of the show.
[0:20:27] Gavin: In our defense, well, in their defense, we would just talk about how it's just an apple. Yeah. An apple is an average.
[0:20:36] Andrew: Yeah.
[0:20:36] Gavin: So I think as an apple, it's good, but it is still just a six out of 10 fruit.
[0:20:41] Andrew: So then I sent them, I, I, I picked the one I had to go into our catalog and find the episode of where I reviewed the cosmic crisp. Uh, but that is just a general episode, which that happens. And I also gave a review worse than realized that it was a pink lady and had to do a second review.
[0:21:01] Gavin: There's no way to submit them anything that isn't heavily edited.
[0:21:04] Geoff: I would send them both unedited full video or audios. And, uh, and then let's just find a new fruit. Let's get into pairs. Yeah. I haven't heard back. Might as well just be honest with them about what it is and who we are. And then we'll just, you know, we'll pivot onto another, like another round fruit. Oranges are popular. Everybody loves an orange. I don't, I feel like I rarely see anything about a new orange. A lot of fucking, a lot of work to get to an orange too. It is. I hate it. I hate it. Really? There's nothing I like less than peeling an orange. Yeah. I guess like I was going to say, I don't want shitty fingers, man. You can't have, you can't eat orange without having shitty little kids, sticky fingers. Like you're five years old sitting on your grandma's back porch. I hate it.
[0:21:52] Andrew: Wait, Eric just said, just bite in. Are you, are you serious? Is that, what, what are you doing? Nobody just bites into an orange.
[0:22:01] Eric: Yeah. I mean, you got to be the change you want to see in the world. So if you don't want, if you don't want sticky fingers, just take a bite and then spit it out and pretend like you're doing a grenade or something, you know? But then you have to bite.
[0:22:15] Gavin: You have to bite all the way around. You got to bite all the peel off.
[0:22:17] Eric: Yeah, but I think you could probably peel some with your teeth and kind of work it through and it's not as sticky on your fingies. Maybe like once you get it started, um, a little bit of that juice out.
[0:22:27] Geoff: You know what we need to do? This sounds like a problem for uniform. Boy, we haven't talked about uniform in a while. Uh, uniform, combining the power of one with the fabric of the farm, uniform. Uh, we should invent fruit gloves.
[0:22:38] Andrew: What do you mean?
[0:22:39] Geoff: You mean gloves? Special gloves, special gloves for you to use, uh, that make it, that enhance the fruit eating experience. Obviously they have to do more than just cover your fingers from the stickies. That's, I'm presenting the problem with which we will come up with a solution for. We have to, we have to figure out how to enhance these gloves in other ways. We can do that. We can do that. No, I think that there's a way we can, I think this way we can improve upon the glove. I don't know what it is yet, but now my mind is off to the races. So I'll get back to you guys in a few days. I assume you'll have something too by then.
[0:23:13] Gavin: So you're taking gloves, which protect your hands from multiple different things. And you're making a version of gloves specifically for fruit. Yeah. Fruit gloves.
[0:23:21] Geoff: Hold on. Let me write this down on my phone. So I remember to do it. Invent. Fruit. He's going to look at this in two hours and go, what the fuck is fruit gloves?
[0:23:30] Eric: Why did I write this down?
[0:23:32] Geoff: Yeah. Well, I wrote invent fruit gloves. So it's like, it's a full sentence. I got it. Huh? I'll be fine.
[0:23:38] Andrew: I think you got this. Maybe like padding on the fingertips. A little saucy. Well, there's a lot of.
[0:23:44] Geoff: Yeah, there's a lot. For every fruit.
[0:23:46] Andrew: It's like, there's a lot of variation too. And how you were treated.
[0:23:48] Geoff: Well, that's going to be a part of the thing. It's like, there's a lot of different fruits. And I assume different fruits have different needs, you know? So I'll have to spend some time thinking about, about the particularities of each fruit and how to, how to get the most out of it. Like, are the needs of a grape the same as the needs of an orange? No. So how does the glove help bring both to their flavor forefront? We'll have to figure that out.
[0:24:11] Andrew: It's like when you're buying a cable or something and it tells you what compatible devices it has. I want to buy gloves that say, like, can't be used with cherries. Right, right. I want to know what the specifics are for these things.
[0:24:23] Geoff: These gloves don't support 4K. Right. These are pear and mango gloves. They don't, do not open a banana with these gloves. It'll go badly. Yeah, like, yeah, absolutely. We are like, rated for different fruits.
[0:24:34] Andrew: We are one or two ideas away from having a fantastic Kickstarter scam of like, it can tell the rightness when you touch it. Get the most fresh fruit.
[0:24:44] Geoff: Oh, that's great.
[0:24:46] Andrew: Wi-Fi enabled. This is great. We got a complete scam that we can work on. I love this.
[0:24:51] Gavin: Yeah. Are you guys Kiwi skin peelers or eaters?
[0:24:56] Geoff: Oh, neither. I'm a peeler, I guess. I'm not crazy about Kiwi skin. I do peel, but only once. You peel once?
[0:25:06] Andrew: Yeah, like, I'll get a spoon, and then I will take the top off, and then I will just eat the innards without peeling anything else.
[0:25:13] Gavin: Yeah. That's how I used to Kiwi. Now I eat a Kiwi like an apple. And it's just the same. Can I ask a question? Yeah. How do you eat an apple? As Eric would peel an orange. Just bite in. Like a grenade. Got it. All right. Yeah.
[0:25:27] Andrew: Kiwis are very throwable. They'd make for great grenades. If it could be a grenade fruit, I think I'd go Kiwi. It's got weight, but it's not too heavy.
[0:25:35] Gavin: Pretty small, though. Probably a small explosion.
[0:25:37] Andrew: Well, that doesn't necessarily equate, does it, size of thing to explosion?
[0:25:41] Gavin: You think, like, a smaller thing will have a bigger explosion?
[0:25:46] Andrew: Well, I think it could potentially. I'm just saying that just because it's small doesn't mean the explosion won't be big. It's true. I'm also saying that, like, I'm basing this off of action movies I've seen. So I don't think that that's an accurate representation of what the thing is capable of.
[0:26:00] Gavin: I think a lot of the time is, like, chain reaction explosions is, like, how many pounds of shit you've put in there. I guess you can just change what's in there.
[0:26:07] Andrew: That's true. Very valid point. You know that Chicken Soup for the Soul makes movies? You know what they're doing? Not that we're a movie podcast, but they exist still, and they make movies. I watched this movie. I know we're not a movie podcast.
[0:26:20] Geoff: What are the movies?
[0:26:23] Andrew: Here. I'll just post a thing. Can you post a link to the movie?
[0:26:27] Geoff: Yeah. I'm going to say they made a bunch.
[0:26:29] Andrew: Is it like a like a GAC movie or something? No, I thought it was a joke. So this is a movie I watched earlier this week called Willie's Wonderland with Nicolas Cage. Oh, yeah. It's like the Five Nights kind of thing or something. Yeah. It's like a guy going through town, and he has to clean an arcade, and the machines come to life, and he has to kill them. It opened with a Chicken Soup for the Soul production. I was like, is this a joke? And no, they make movies.
[0:26:56] Gavin: But what do Chicken Soup for the Soul normally do? They're like self-help books. Yeah.
[0:27:00] Andrew: They're like huge. I forgot they existed, but they were massive when I was growing up.
[0:27:04] Geoff: Like the 90s is a big thing.
[0:27:06] Andrew: Like the evolution of brands. They make dog food now. It's very weird. No idea they existed. Yet no Chicken Soup for the Stomach.
[0:27:13] Geoff: Seems like a no-brainer. Beautiful. Unifarm.
[0:27:19] Andrew: Yeah, your next great idea. Like actual chicken soup, assholes. I did have another thing happen. Not my fault, but we've been discovered by a different group. And this is a weird one. It's not. You can't blame. I know 30% cream is not my fault. So I've talked a lot about my hubby's bagels. We love them. They're great. Yeah. Great business. They're very sweet. I don't think I've ever mentioned on the show that the cupcake place I like, a wee cupcake bakery is like a 20-second walk from my hubby's bagels.
[0:27:52] Gavin: Oh, do you always kill two birds with one stone?
[0:27:54] Andrew: I will often do both things, but I've just, I don't know. It's never really come up in my mind. And so my mom was recently buying something from the cupcake replace, and she knows the lady that runs it, and they're still going back and forth. And the woman said, I was so funny. I had somebody in here earlier today who came here purely just because of a podcast that they listen to, that they really enjoy. And my mom was like, oh, what was the podcast? And they're like, uh, it's, uh, they didn't want to say the name. And then my mom was like, did they also mention my hubby's bagels a lot? She's like, yeah, they also mentioned that, that they go to my hubby's bagels all the time too. So they now know we exist. They know face is a thing. And she's like, yeah, I listened to an episode to like the, to hear the mention of the thing. Cause we've mentioned it before. I've never been more terrified because the thing that came to mind immediately for me is when I dropped the cupcake on the floor, the cupcake floor saga. And now knowing that like, she knows who I am and she knows she did next time I go in
[0:29:00] Andrew: there, there's a possibility that she will know that I ate one of her cupcakes that I dropped on the floor and that's a level of monster that I don't want to deal with in my personal life in like a real way. So I'm kind of scared to go back in.
[0:29:14] Geoff: Yeah. I'm going to agree. Nick wrote, uh, in the chat, uh, what a ringing endorsement for them though. I completely agree. Like so good.
[0:29:22] Andrew: You'll eat it off the floor. The, but then I didn't, this was, this happened like last week. So I don't know if, if they just listened to a recent episode or if they somehow they heard that specific episode, but I don't know how you'd even find that episode because I don't, I don't feel like it's ever been named. So I don't know what the details are, but there's a possibility that next time I go in, she will know that I ate a cupcake off the floor.
[0:29:46] Geoff: Here's what you do. You dazzle and distract her before she has an opportunity for it to register. I got an idea for you. You love my hubby's bagels. You love this cupcake store, right? What is a cupcake, a yummy, delicious cylinder? What is a bagel, a circle with a hole in the middle? You convince her that they need to create a, uh, some sort of a pop-up crossover event like, like Savage Fendi, where they, where they make a cupcake that you stick in a bagel and you call it the bagel cake and then it'd be all over everywhere. I like your idea. I'm inventing shit left and right today, but you get her so excited about that. That floor eating cupcake incident will be so far in the rear of your mirror. It'll, it'll never pop up again.
[0:30:28] Andrew: That's a great point.
[0:30:29] Gavin: I've Googled face cupcake story and I've been taken to a Reddit post that says PSA don't eat while listening to today's face.
[0:30:37] Andrew: Oh no. Yeah. That's fair.
[0:30:39] Gavin: Which is from, I don't know how to see that. Oh, April 14th, 2021.
[0:30:44] Andrew: Yeah.
[0:30:45] Gavin: Well that, yeah, it's pretty easy to find.
[0:30:47] Andrew: That's unfortunate. Jeff, I like your idea.
[0:30:50] Gavin: Through other people's disgust.
[0:30:52] Andrew: Yeah, that's unfortunate. I was thinking that I might just need to glue another mustache to my face when I go in.
[0:30:56] Geoff: No, I think, I think you give them, you dangle something in front of them that's more exciting than the embarrassment of the cupcake eating and then you just leapfrog ahead of it.
[0:31:06] Andrew: Okay. I'll go with that approach. I'll keep you updated.
[0:31:09] Ad read: Gregus believes in the art of living, in choosing the pleasurable over the practical. It's why we craft our premium vodka in France using pure spring water from Genzac. And why you hear the celebratory club of our cork reminding us to make every martini cocktail count. So go on and make every moment count because there's no better time than now. Gregus. Make. Time. Wait. Sit responsibly.
[0:31:40] Andrew: Oh, no. Nick found the episode title. F*** face a bunch of toilet stories slash the first f*** face app. You would not think a bunch of toilet stories would include an endorsement of cupcakes. Oh, no. I'm so fucked. I can't go back. No, you might not. It's over.
[0:32:04] Geoff: Shit. Your mom's going to be doing a lot of shopping for you.
[0:32:07] Gavin: What do you need to change about your appearance until it was like Clark Kent levels of disguise where it's not ridiculous, but people aren't seeing you.
[0:32:18] Andrew: That's tough because I'm not. You know what? Actually, very minimal. Well, as a not pants guy, I think I throw a pair of pants on. Nobody's going to think it's a good point. That's a good point. As a no pants, no hat guy, throw a hat on, throw some pants. There's no way. It's a zero percent chance.
[0:32:37] Gavin: I saw the best comment recently. It was talking about your keyboard saga and how it's very strange that you could see a woman pissing from like hundreds of feet away out your window, but you can't see the F row of keys.
[0:32:50] Geoff: Very different circumstances. Dude, speaking of comments, can I take a second to mention a Reddit post I saw the other day? And also, speaking of endorsements, I think this is an endorsement for the power of Gavin. Did you see the thing posted in the face subreddit by this poor guy? The username is Bob from Boston. His thread was Gavin's bad luck Red Sox. And then he wrote, in June, the Boston Red Sox were one of the hottest teams in baseball with a record of 20 and six for the month. You're not a baseball fan, Gavin. That's a very good record. 20 wins, six losses. Uh, after Gavin first brought up his sock dilemma on June 29th, the Red Sox have been one of the worst teams in baseball, finishing July with a record of eight wins and 19 losses. Coincident? I think Gavin has somehow jinxed the team without even knowing it. This is how real this curse is. You are, you've taken down a 120 year old baseball franchise.
[0:33:51] Geoff: They haven't been, you know how long it took them to get over their last curse? It took them like 70 years to get past the last curse. Jesus Christ, dude. These socks are going to be powerful. They're going to be a big deal.
[0:34:06] Gavin: I was thinking, because we were talking about doing the thing where I curse a hundred pairs of socks or something and I'll sign a little thing to go with them. And I'm thinking of using the red socks that I have in the curse. I'm thinking of putting those on my hands. Yeah. I'm waving them over the other socks to spread the curse. But I think I have to use the source.
[0:34:24] Geoff: So Eric and I were having a conversation yesterday about this exact thing and we were going to bring it to you. We want to do like a one hour live stream where you curse all the socks live.
[0:34:37] Eric: I want people to see, and I'm really glad that you brought up wearing the socks on your hands. Yeah, that's exciting. Because visually for an hour, as we slide socks in front of you and you curse them, it's going to be really good content. I think people are like, truly, we're going to see how long it takes for you to curse, I mean, all these socks.
[0:34:57] Gavin: I mean, I think it should be taken seriously. I don't think it's going to be very funny watching me do this. It's going to be a real curse.
[0:35:03] Geoff: We're going to have some other stuff. We're going to have some other stuff going on. We're going to get a mannequin and we're going to put the tuxedo on the mannequin, which, by the way, I went into Eric's office today and I saw the tuxedo with my own eyes. It exists. Where is this office that Eric has? That's in stage four. And so we're going to put the tuxedo on a dress form or on a mannequin, and then we're going to take a Polaroid. Every time you curse a pair of socks, I'm going to take a Polaroid picture of the tuxedo and then give that away with the socks so that everybody gets their own Polaroid picture of the tuxedo. How fucking cool is that?
[0:35:40] Gavin: Yeah, I didn't see how that related at all, but that is...
[0:35:43] Geoff: It's like a little bonus to throw in. I mean, I'm with Gavin, but I'm also with Jeff. You know what I mean? Yeah, totally. It's a little... They're all on the same page. They're called a sweetener. Yeah, I like it. I'm into it. I want to share the tuxedo with people as soon as possible, and this is the first way I could think of.
[0:35:57] Gavin: In the merch thread on Slack, Tony posted a mock-up of the cursed socks, and then Maxie from social chimed in and said, will you be selling uncursed versions? I really want those socks, but I'm superstitious. So I just said... Well, basically, I wanted to say no. Like, there's not going to be any uncursed versions, but I promised I would do a very mild curse on her.
[0:36:22] Eric: Can I ask this? Do you think that you, using your red socks to curse these other red socks, will dissipate the cursed nature of your socks? Like, you're passing smaller curses onto these other socks, and it's like stealing power, so you end up with just socks that you're able to wear by the end?
[0:36:45] Gavin: I think this might be a cleanse, because it is diluting across all pairs. So I'll be using my red socks to decurse... Well, I'll be decursing my red socks onto the red socks. Right. But maybe a side effect of that, well, that the red socks as a team would get worse. Hmm.
[0:37:01] Andrew: I... This is an interesting thought. I think it's important you do cover your hands, because there could be a real battle of the curse. Because you're known as the boy with the golden hands, right? So you need to cover those literal golden hands with some red socks, so that way, you're not blessing them. You could be cursing and then blessing, depending on how you pass it off. It's important your hands are covered, is all I'm saying.
[0:37:27] Gavin: This is so stupid, and I don't know... I don't know what that's going to look like for an hour. It's like, at best, a 25-second joke.
[0:37:34] Geoff: Dude, dude, we'll do other stuff. We'll do other stuff. We'll make it an event. We'll, like, I'll put together a full show. You can even be off to the side, and we can just cut over to you every once in a while. Oh, that's great. Check in on how Gavin's doing, kind of thing, if you want, you know? I'm sure we can fill an hour with other stuff. God knows there's a million different dumb f***ing things we could do.
[0:37:56] Gavin: And we should say, I mean, obviously, it's all bullshit. It's all out of shite. But I will genuinely feel bad if someone dies wearing these curse socks. I don't know what to do about that. Like, that was... It's not real, but we've had instances where predictions have been made, and some weird s*** happens, and, you know, we've just got to be... I've got to be careful.
[0:38:16] Andrew: How would you know?
[0:38:16] Gavin: I don't want to kill someone.
[0:38:18] Andrew: But how would you know if that happened?
[0:38:22] Geoff: Let's just hope that the person that bought them the socks dies in the same accident, so there'll be no way for the information to get back to us.
[0:38:28] Gavin: What if with the socks comes a card that gets stuck in your wallet, so when they find your body, it will just have instructions on, like, firstly, check out what colored socks I'm wearing. If I'm wearing these red socks, please call this number, just so we can know how dangerous these socks are.
[0:38:46] Eric: We'll put that... No, I like this, because we'll just put a sign behind the tuxedo, and you just keep your Polaroid in your wallet, so that way you have a picture of the tuxedo, and also a sign that says, if I'm dead and wearing red socks, here's who... Contact Gavin Free.
[0:39:02] Andrew: I don't understand why you did this. Why? What do you mean? Well, because this opened with you being like, oh, I really hope this doesn't happen, and I bring up, it's an impossibility for you to know, and then you're like, okay, well, let's make it possible. Let's make sure that I do know if it does happen. Well, he likes to solve the problem.
[0:39:18] Gavin: Why don't we just say don't wear them? Don't wear the socks. Well, I think we're doing that regardless, yeah. Do you think people...
[0:39:24] Geoff: Do you think people would wear them? Dude. Knowing the risks? Dude, that kid that came to RT Monday night on the podcast to eat frozen spaghetti is eating that fucking spaghetti, and that spaghetti is like a year and a half old and has been frozen and unfrozen like nine times. So, yeah, I think people will wear the socks.
[0:39:42] Andrew: If anything, I assume you got some red spaghetti sauce in that mix. It's the power of red. It would, if anything, enhance the flavor, I would assume.
[0:39:50] Gavin: Why don't we have any current comment leavers? Just let us know whether you'd be buying these socks to own or to wear. Or both. There you go.
[0:39:58] Geoff: Hey, Gab, I had an idea I wanted to run by you. I mean, Andrew, it applies to you as well. We'd have to figure out how to work it in. But you know how you were talking the other day about when we filmed SBI? We were talking about how much fun it was for you and I to be in an office together again and how creatively inspiring it was. And I was thinking, what if we had, you know, because we're both busy boys and there's not a lot, we have a lot going on, there's not a lot of free time. What if we tried to earmark one day a month that it was f***ing face office day and we go and we spend the whole day in an office together? Maybe with Eric too, if he's got time, and then we can always pip in Andrew somehow. And we just have to, from like nine to five, we're required to be at work together in an office and only focusing on f***ing face. Oh, I'd love that. One day a month. Whatever happens, happens. One day a month. I mean, maybe we could expand. We could expand if it's successful and we get good stuff out of it and we don't hate each other. But like one day a month, we just, for nine hours, we go and we just walk and talk and speak f***ing face
[0:40:58] Geoff: and whatever comes out of that day comes out of that day.
[0:41:00] Eric: Let me propose this because I don't know what everyone's schedule is like, but what if we do like a second Thursday of every month? Thursday's already our episode recording day. So why don't we just build that in and we do like a second or a third Thursday of every month and that's just like the day and that's, we got, we got office work.
[0:41:19] Gavin: I think it's dangerous to do on a day that we're recording.
[0:41:21] Andrew: Yeah, Gavin won't like that because it's technically pleasantries for the thing.
[0:41:25] Geoff: Well, plus, I don't want to see him when we record, so I'd have to go home.
[0:41:31] Eric: I like that. Okay, are we doing it like on a Friday then? Is that? I could do Friday. I could do Friday. Andrew?
[0:41:38] Andrew: Yeah, it doesn't matter to me.
[0:41:39] Eric: I don't care. What's the best day for you, Eric? Thursday, but I can make Fridays work.
[0:41:46] Geoff: What about you, Nick? What's your best day?
[0:41:48] Eric: Okay, we can make Friday. Like, what if we do like every like third Friday every month and it's like, like, so this month it would be the 19th if we were to actually do it, which I don't think we can this month, but like we could make that work.
[0:42:03] Geoff: I fucking love that. I think this is awesome. I think face will benefit. Hopefully.
[0:42:11] Andrew: We could just do stuff that. Yeah. Like instead of having to try to like schedule an MVP too, like we could just know like, oh, we got Friday. Yeah. Right, right. Or like, oh, we got to hit some,
[0:42:20] Geoff: we got to hit some baseballs, we got to bury beans. Like, yeah, absolutely.
[0:42:23] Gavin: This will get off the weekends.
[0:42:25] Eric: Yes, big time. And I really like this idea. I think building a day in where we can all be together and do that is a lot of fun too because we can grab the other pieces that we need and just sort of like tell everyone to fuck off. We have this thing. And also Friday works because no one's working on Friday anyway. It's fine.
[0:42:43] Geoff: That's true. That's true. And you can hardly call what we're about to do work. So it fits, slots in perfectly on a Friday.
[0:42:50] Eric: It's very true.
[0:42:53] Geoff: Speaking of which, we should really, I know we just talked about scheduling a whole day, but we should probably try to figure out that MVP thing soon too because we're starting to stack up. Okay, what are you doing? Okay, what are you doing on the 12th? Let me see. Hold on. Let me look at my calendar. Uh, yeah, man. I think I can do the 12th. I can also do anytime tomorrow or this weekend. I don't want to do it on the weekend. I know, I know. You have to get stuff off the weekends.
[0:43:18] Eric: I have, I know, I know. I don't want to do anything on a Saturday or Sunday. You have what? A life?
[0:43:22] Geoff: Yeah. The 12th.
[0:43:23] Eric: I have things to do. Stuff, other stuff.
[0:43:27] Geoff: I'm good for the 12th. All right, MVP two on the 12th. I'm excited. Hang on. Hang on.
[0:43:34] Eric: No one's, you are moving forward. That's a great outlet. You are moving forward.
[0:43:38] Andrew: You're right. I got excited.
[0:43:40] Eric: Gavin?
[0:43:41] Gavin: 12th. Oh, look at that. Look at that. That day is open. Okay.
[0:43:47] Eric: Perfect. Okay. Oh, no, no.
[0:43:49] Gavin: My calendar hasn't loaded. Hold on.
[0:43:51] Eric: No. It's open. It's open. It's open. A couple of calls I can move. Okay, what time works best? Like, do we want to make this like a midday thing or like a morning thing? Like, what works best for you guys? I don't know.
[0:44:03] Gavin: I just want the tech to be figured out.
[0:44:06] Geoff: I wouldn't mind. What if we started our day with it? We had a morning monkey movie and we ate breakfast while we watched it. So what time is that?
[0:44:16] Eric: Because it's two hours difference for where Andrew is.
[0:44:19] Geoff: Let's say 11 a.m. our time, 9 a.m. Andrew's time. Monkey mornings. Yeah, monkey morning movie.
[0:44:25] Andrew: Fantastic. Okay. I can't imagine watching that movie at 9 a.m. All ready to watch at any time. We can start now. I'd be happy. 5 a.m. Any hour is an appropriate time to watch MVP 2. I need to record the setup thing then, right? Because you wanted me to do a recap of the first movie to fill you in on the lore going into the second one. I wanted to edit. I got to do that. I'll record that.
[0:44:54] Eric: That's good. Jeff has a, looks like a meeting at 11 a.m., but I put it there anyway, so that's good.
[0:45:01] Geoff: What the fuck? What is my meeting at 11 a.m.?
[0:45:03] Eric: Wait, did we just go through this?
[0:45:05] Geoff: Yeah, no, we did. No, hey, yeah, Gavin, yes. Yeah, Gavin, yes, we did. Oh, yeah, because I haven't accepted that meeting yet. It hasn't been accepted, so I haven't said yes to it, so I can say no to it. Yeah, done. You're not going to say no. Are you going to say maybe to it? No, I just said yes to the monkey thing. Okay. Yeah, it's way more important.
[0:45:24] Gavin: Did we talk about how you said the wrong year last week?
[0:45:27] Geoff: Yeah, I should have said year three, but it was, I said year two, but it was year three. Have you been saying year three? No, no, I just fucked up in that moment. They got me flustered, and I got all fucked up. Hey, Gavin, when we were in that office together during the SBI, I told you a story that I had neglected to tell on the podcast because I thought it was too gross, and you told me you didn't think it was too gross and that I should tell that story.
[0:45:53] Andrew: Oh, God.
[0:45:53] Gavin: I don't think it's grosser than Andrew eating a bathroom floor cupcake.
[0:45:57] Andrew: That was a low, though. That was a low.
[0:45:59] Geoff: That was a low. Well, this is a low for me, too. The reason I ask is because I have an update to that story, so I'm wondering if I can tell it or not. A while back, this summer, before SBI, we were filming, I don't remember, I think it was in June. I was doing a lot of swimming. This is personally embarrassing, and I don't know why because it's totally fine, but I was doing a lot of swimming, and I started to get some dry, scratchy skin on my thigh, like right next to my balls, and I thought it was just, I thought maybe I'm using the blow dryer too much when I get out of the dryer or something. I don't know what it is, but it just started to get more and more irritated, and then one morning I woke up, and it had spread, and it was all down my thigh, and it was kind of up on the front above my dick shelf kind of area, and it was getting really painful to touch, and I was like, what the fuck?
[0:47:00] Geoff: And so I was embarrassed, and I showed Emily, and she was like, oh, you probably got jock itch or something, and I was like, I can't have that. I've never had that in my entire life. Even in five years in the Army, I never got jock itch. That's disgusting. How does one even get that? What is jock itch? And also, yes, I'm no jock. I mean, yeah, I can swing a baseball, but baseball bat, but. And so I thought, well, I spent a couple days just putting like Lotrimen on it, and it kept getting worse to the point where I couldn't, it was painful to wear clothes. And so I went to my doctor, and I had to show my doctor my business, and he was like, whoa, you've got some jock, you've got a hell of a case of jock itch, buddy. And I was like, I've never had that before. And he was like, well, he was like, it happens a lot more often than you'd think. It's a normal thing. It's, he goes, if you're outside a lot when it's hot, you're sweating, you know, stuff gets a little musty. It's very easy for it to grow there. Do you swim a lot? And I was like, I swim all the time. I'm jet skiing all the time. I'm in pools, Barton Springs all the time. He's like, you got it.
[0:48:00] Geoff: You got it from that. Just like. Is it like a fungal thing? Yeah, I guess it's like a fungal thing. It's like athlete's cock. It's like, it's the same thing as athlete's foot, just on your, just another area. I think it's like the exact same fungus. Oh, man. And so he was like, you know, what you do is just bring an extra pair of shorts and just change out of the wet ones into dry ones whenever you get out of the water. And then he gave me some prescription medicine that I had to put on it. I was lucky in that my daughter was out of town for like 10 straight days because it got so inflamed and it was so bad that for nine days, I didn't wear shorts or underwear or pants. I walked around. I, I, I, I, Andrew Payton did. I Donald ducked it just in a t-shirt. I, I wore a t-shirt and socks only. I didn't leave the house for nine days as I beat down this horrible jock itch. And I bring it up. I brought it up to Gavin. I was like, and I think this is probably too close, too gross to tell, but I did record three episodes of face during it, like completely naked, sitting in the chair,
[0:49:01] Geoff: like with a jock itch medicine cream all over my legs, just in agony. I was, uh, we recorded an episode one week and then we recorded a two for the next week. And, uh, the entire time I was just like flamin' hot jock itch, just in agonizing pain anyway. And then eventually they said it would go away. It went away. And, uh, and when I got the prescription from the, that's the worst Cheetos flavor, Nick said, uh, flamin' hot jock itch. When, uh, when I got the prescription from the, uh, from the pharmacy, the pharmacist goes, you're going to need more than this. And I go, what do you mean? He goes, they didn't prescribe you enough. This stuff is persistent. And I was like, okay, pharmacist, whatever. The doctor fucking told me this would be enough. And, uh, and I bring that up because, you know, this all got beaten back in like my mid-July, it was gone. I was totally fine. And, uh, guess who woke up with jock itch this morning? Oh no. It's back.
[0:49:59] Gavin: So the trilogy of face episodes where you've got knob out, knob rot is now a quadrilogy. There's now a fourth episode.
[0:50:09] Geoff: Is your cock out right now? No, no, I'm wearing shorts. Uh, it's not like so bad. I can't wear clothes. Uh, but, uh, I already had to call in the prescription. As soon as we're done here, I got to go to CVS and get more jock itch stuff. I can't fucking believe it. And I'm going to, I'm going to tell the story because a Gavin said, uh, that it's not too gross to tell. And B, because I want to raise awareness for jock itch. It's a terrible tragedy that's, that befalls upon people all over the world. And it doesn't mean that they're grossy, gross people. It may just mean that they like to swim a lot. And it's 110 degrees in Texas all the time. So stop jock itch shaming.
[0:50:44] Gavin: Who is shaming? I've never even heard of it.
[0:50:48] Andrew: No, it's a thing. I'm aware of it.
[0:50:50] Geoff: It sucks so bad.
[0:50:52] Andrew: Knob out knob rot. This is stuck in my head, Gavin. He's got knob rot.
[0:50:58] Geoff: No, my knob is fine. It's not on my knob. It's just on my thighs and the area around the knob. The worst iteration of Fraggle Rock knob rot. The worst, the worst part about this is, is that I got the jock itch three weeks before my vasectomy. And so it cleared up, like it cleared up. I was sweating it because I didn't want to like, not be able to get my vasectomy. So it cleared up like the week of the vasectomy. And then I got my vasectomy. So I basically haven't been able to sexually use my stuff in like, oh, it was like over a month because I had like jock itch right into vasectomy recovery. And then now that I'm finally feeling better, you know, I'm two and a half weeks past the vasectomy. The jock itch just like, like, hello, hello, Jeff Spice, I'm back. The second it clears up, they're straight in there with a scalpel. I'm going to have like three months of an unusable crotch.
[0:51:59] Geoff: It just sucks. Just fucking sucks. How do I avoid it? I'm worried about this. Yeah. I don't know, dude. I don't know. You use gold bond powder, right? Like powdering walls all the time, I guess. Like talcum powder, although doesn't that give you cancer or some shit? Oh, does it? Yeah, I think so. I think there's like, well, doesn't, what does gold? What of them gives you cancer? Talcum powder and cancer. Yeah. See, it's rough. All right.
[0:52:30] Andrew: Knob rot feels like a thing you'd have to pull out of the operation guy. It's the knob rot section.
[0:52:36] Gavin: We can make a face operation. He plays knob rot at his bad ankle.
[0:52:45] Geoff: He's got to reconnect to Andrew's tendon in his ankle. Oh, man. Big long back. Oh, yeah. The mouth is just like, you go near the face and the mouth just lights up.
[0:53:00] Andrew: I mean, we all, everyone here has lower body problems. Gavin's got cursed socks. I got unusable ankles. You got the crotch, crotch rot.
[0:53:08] Gavin: Yeah. I don't know how you expect. Are you going to be able to do this end cap challenge with?
[0:53:11] Andrew: Yeah, absolutely. No, I'm good. I'm all good now.
[0:53:13] Gavin: And the marathon?
[0:53:15] Andrew: That is like a distant thought. I'm just, we got to, as Jeff said, crawl before we run.
[0:53:21] Gavin: Right. But that was our point when you brought it up in the first place. You were so far from the marathon when it came out of your mouth. It was.
[0:53:29] Geoff: Yeah, you're right. As a burger confidence moment. Remove a shampoo bottle from the butt. Open up Gavin's airway so he doesn't fart to death in his sleep.
[0:53:43] Gavin: I like the idea of having to remove the shampoo bottle from the butt, but every game ships without that piece. Like it was never in the butt. It's just an empty slot.
[0:53:53] Andrew: Oh my God. You fix your farting, Gavin? You still have fart problems?
[0:53:58] Gavin: The CPAP is unplugged in a corner still. I can't bring yourself to. I want to wait until I've had some decent sleep before I start ruining my sleep.
[0:54:06] Andrew: That's my plan.
[0:54:07] Geoff: That's fair. How are you ever going to get decent sleep unless you figure out the CPAP problem? It is a double-edged sleep. That's a good point. Didn't you start the CPAP because you didn't get a good night's sleep? Yeah, that is very cyclical.
[0:54:19] Andrew: Yep. Good app. You ever wake your... Oh, we're going to end. Never mind. Never mind. Well, I said good app. That wasn't my story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wrap up. Yeah. We're done. You got more stuff? That was... That was a small thing, but it's fine. We should wrap up. This is a good app.
[0:54:33] Geoff: I feel like you just destroyed the end of the podcast.
[0:54:35] Andrew: We haven't quite yet an hour.
[0:54:37] Geoff: Why don't you redeem it with your small thing?
[0:54:38] Andrew: No, it's just a small... I was going to... Because we brought it before. Jeff, you woke up once shitting, and I was like, ah, that's a terrible way to come out of a sleep. Have you ever woken yourself up from farting in relation to what Gavin said? Oh. Yeah. I don't think I've ever had it happen until, like, last week. I woke my... I startled myself because I farted. It was a massive... It wasn't loud. It was just powerful. I think it was the most powerful fart I've ever had.
[0:55:02] Gavin: Powerful how? Like, if it wasn't loud, how was it powerful? Like, you moved the other way?
[0:55:07] Andrew: Yeah, no, like, the sheet moved. Like, if we... If there was a baseball between my legs, that ball would have went 80. We would have hit Jeff's goal. It was powerful.
[0:55:15] Gavin: How far would a shampoo bottle have gone?
[0:55:17] Andrew: Oh, a different country. Easily. It would have went north all the way to Texas. Hands down. Easily. So it was like a lot of pressure.
[0:55:25] Geoff: I think it was a lot of pressure. Like a... More like a bassy fart than a loud fart.
[0:55:28] Gavin: We're at the point now where we can communicate almost entirely in face references. It's a language.
[0:55:38] Andrew: It was just startling. So I was curious if you guys have had it happen to you. It was an alarming thing. I was in a great sleep, and then all of a sudden my ass essentially exploded.
[0:55:46] Gavin: No, I think I've woken up with the full feeling of needing to, but I don't think I've actually woken myself up with one.
[0:55:53] Andrew: Yeah, it's curious, because I knew you had the CPAP problems, and then you were bloated. I was curious if it ever happened, if that's how you woke up.
[0:56:00] Geoff: That would be fucking awesome. Especially if it was like one of those 45-second CPAP farts. It's like you wake up in the fart, and then you're still farting, and then you fully come to, and you're still farting.
[0:56:14] Andrew: You can just hear him going further away, because it's so constant. The sound is slowly, slowly going.
[0:56:24] Geoff: Oh, well, you've done it again, audience. You made it to the end of an episode of the F*** Face Podcast. Good on you. You're a patient human being. Thanks for listening. Maybe you liked it. I sure hope you did. If you did, I'll assume you're telling everybody you've ever met. Literally every single human being you come in contact with on the planet Earth, you probably are mentioning F*** Face too. And I appreciate that to you, and I'd like to say, hey, that's the bare minimum you could be doing to promote this show. You could try a little harder. No, I'm just kidding. Don't tell anybody about it. It doesn't matter either way. We'll listen to you next time. How does it not matter either way? Well, I just felt like I was coming on too strong, so then I tried to walk it back a bit. I really do want them to tell every single human being on Earth. There are seven and a half billion people on this planet, and most of them don't listen to our podcast, and I think there's a lot of issues with that. But I don't want to put the onus too much on the audience, because then they're going to feel like I'm asking too much of them,
[0:57:25] Geoff: and I don't want to do that. So I realized that. I thought I overstepped, so then I tried to come back.
[0:57:30] Andrew: No, you're good. We can end this. This is perfect. Gavin, don't unravel us.
[0:57:34] Gavin: Okay.
[0:57:35] Andrew: Bye.
[0:57:35] Gavin: You're unraveling it.
[0:57:37] Andrew: What do you mean I unraveled it? It was going great. We had a great ending. Is it over now? Goodbye. Stop talking. Goodbye. You did that, Gavin. That's your fault.
[0:57:48] Geoff: That was Gavin.
[0:57:51] Unidentified: That was me. Hey, guys. Major League Fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. It's the Halo episode of F*** Face. Let's talk about Tyson. Gavin thought Billy Zane was in The Mummy. Star wipes are the best. Who forgot to roll audio? The Halo challenge has been completed. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.
